Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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