I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
