how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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