My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
