how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
