I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
