I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize