I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
