The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
