your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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