As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
