chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
