There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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