I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
