If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
