I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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