i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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