I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Small penises have feelings too.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You are a booty call, not a friend.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
