dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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