She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
