I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
