If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
