My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
