and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
