Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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