Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
