I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
