My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
