I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
