So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
