my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
