there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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