i jhust puked up my retainher.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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