I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think a kid would responsible me up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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