Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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