seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need a beard to bite.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
