she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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