That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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