think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
