You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
