dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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