im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
