That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
