Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This is my gift to your gina
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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