I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
