apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
