We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
