Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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