I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
