Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
