I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
